Living by...grace?

First off...every time you see a big break in between my posts it's probably because God is working something in me that is hard to put into words. And He's done it again. It's still hard to put into words, and although I've crafted two posts that attempt to tie it all up in a pretty bow, I don't feel released to publish them. I felt a nudge to publish my journal entry for this morning instead.

Dear Lord,

I just want to thank You. I feel very foggy, and a bit confused about all that You are doing right now, but nontheless, I am grateful.

For a split second I felt like I had it figured out, and I was doing great in pretty much every area of my life. Then it got a little difficult to keep it all up and I began dropping balls. (seems to be a theme for me)

I started hearing messages on grace left and right. 

And Lord, here I am. Not quite understanding it but wanting to learn. Not quite doing life perfectly, in fact, doing it very imperfectly and messy, but Lord in the midst of the mess, I am grateful that You are teaching me something new.

A more peaceful way to live. A more fruitful way to live. A more joyful way to live.

In dependance of You....The Vine...My Life Source.

No life is not perfect. I am not perfect. But I am beginning to see (even though I know this, I need to see it) that You are not looking down on me with grief or shaking Your Head when You look at my life.

Help me to clearly see it Lord. Help me to really know that I cannot earn Your Pleasure in me. I already have it, but cannot see it. Help me to see You as You really are and not who I've made up.

Teach me, show me what grace is.

And let me live a life marked by total surrender, total dependance.....full of grace.

In Jesus Name,
amen